The phone never rings

It was Saturday. Her mother always called on Saturdays. Except when she couldn’t be bothered. Oh darling, I’ll be in London and won’t be able to call. Oh darling, I’m going to be resting all weekend at the beach in Israel. The excuses never ended. Are there no phones in London? Yes mother. You need the rest. A ten minute phone call with your only daughter would be simply too much of a distraction from the sand and margaritas.

Maybe her mother had always been this way. Was her childhood a complete show? Or had the alcohol really done that much damage that her mother simply wasn’t capable of caring anymore. Her mother had been addicted to alcohol her entire life. Their were times of sobriety and religious AA meetings and times of vodka in coffee cups as she drove her to gymnastics practice. Right now she was in a period of I can handle of glass of wine at dinner because “I have been cured of my alcoholism.” These periods were the ones that hurt the most.

She would never forget the fight that changed everything. They were out to breakfast with her mothers asexual lesbian partner. The one she had a two year long affair with and consequently left her marriage to be with. They had run away to Germany because and I quote “being near her children was too stressful.” When “that” woman had the audacity to say if it weren’t for your mother coming out your father would not be so accepting of you. Yes, because his wife of twenty years leaving him and skipping out of the country for a woman left a great taste for lesbians in his mouth. Fucking off their rockers the two of them.  One would think having a gay mother would be a butch girls dream. But in life she found dreams often start sweet and end in a nightmare. Taunting her as she was unable to escape.

She wanted to roll over and leave her phone on silent. Screw her mother if she called. But, she couldn’t bring herself to ignore the possibility of the call. She would tell herself leave your phone at home. Go out with your friends. But, she knew the voicemails and emails of a missed call would be far worse to deal with than just answering the phone if she did in fact call.

She turned the volume up loud and put her phone in her pocket. Knowing full well that the phone would never ring.

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